The L Word, Season 2, Episode 2
Jenny: I like you very much.
Robin: Hmm, that's a very bad way to begin a conversation.
Jenny: Okay, I'm sorry. I'm just not ready to be married again.
Robin: Well Jen, I haven't asked you to marry me.
Jenny: Robin, it's so obvious to me that's what you want. And I kind of feel like... I don't know, that you set me up or something.
Robin: Oh, no, no, no. No, they leapt to that conclusion 'cause that's what they want for me. Ya know? You can't punish me just because my friends want me to find, you know, an equitable partner.
Jenny: Okay, I'm - I'm not trying to punish you. Look, Robin, I'm just realizing that, um, I need to... I - I just need to be alone right now.
Robin: Jen, you can have time alone. You don't have to be with me every second.
Jenny: Well, I've never really been on my own before... and... I think that I need to just... to feel scared.
Robin: Oh, there's nothing to be scared of. I - I'm not a scary person. I'm a loving -
Jenny: Oh Robin, come on. I mean I'm - I'm so - I'm terrified of being on my own. I just gotta make myself do it, Robin, and I can't - I can't distract myself by creating all this fucking labyrinth-like drama that I'm so good at creating and I promise you... that you do not want to get sucked into my fucking bullshit.
Robin: You know what? Don't. Okay? Don't - don't tell me what I want and don't want. I know what I fucking want.
Jenny: Okay, well I'm gonna speak for myself.
Robin: Please.
Jenny: This is uh - this is what I want.
Robin: I can't believe you're doing this. I... I can't go through this again.
Jenny: I don't know Robin, that's why I'm saying we should stop now before we actually go through anything.
Robin: So, um... you don't want to be in a relationship?
Jenny: No, I don't.
Robin: You just wanna entice people, sleep with people. Make them fall in love with you, so you can fuck with their heads.
Jenny: No, that's not what I want.
Robin: Well, that's what you did.
Until tonight, I couldn't figure out why I was so fucked up. Now I do.
That, my friend, is exactly what you did to me. And yeah, don't tell me what I want, what I can or cannot handle. I know what I fucking want.
In a brutal world of people who don't know what they want, cynicism is my defense. Show me a man who means what he say, and I'll show you the fool who believed.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Top 5 Lessons I Learned This Week To Prevent Future Heartbreaks
Top 5 Lessons I Learned This Week To Prevent Future Heartbreaks a.k.a Top 5 Dating Rules That Must Be Observed a.k.a. Top 5 Mistakes that Must Not Be Repeated to Prevent Permanent Heart Damage and Irreversible Psychological Paralysis:
1. Always keep an open mind - never start with a relationship in mind. You will likely to scare more people off than attract any. And quite frankly, you don't need a relationship right now. And you definitely are not in a hurry to make more friends because you're not too short on that. Besides, making friends is too easy but not the real purpose of your search, is it? Of course if you do, it's a big bonus.
2. When you have the chance to ask someone out, do it. Do not hesitate. Don't wait for them to become too comfortable with your friendship, cuz then they'll use that to say no and you are only making life harder for yourself.
3. Even if they say no, persistence is more important that you think. Do not overdo it so you become a pest. Instead continue your current course of action. Turn on your charm, nudge her bit by bit, especially when you know you have her full attention. Seriously, when a girl spends half her time talking to you, she IS into you and can be swayed.
4. It is OK to fuck someone first before you decide what you want to do next, because you will either make them fall in love with you or not. Simple as that. If things work out, great. If not, you can still be friends if she's open about it. Or screw it, you part company. Whichever way, you stand to gain more than you have to lose.
5. Never repeat the above 4 rules to whoever you are courting. To them, you should just be a friendly person who can turn into a potential date.
1. Always keep an open mind - never start with a relationship in mind. You will likely to scare more people off than attract any. And quite frankly, you don't need a relationship right now. And you definitely are not in a hurry to make more friends because you're not too short on that. Besides, making friends is too easy but not the real purpose of your search, is it? Of course if you do, it's a big bonus.
2. When you have the chance to ask someone out, do it. Do not hesitate. Don't wait for them to become too comfortable with your friendship, cuz then they'll use that to say no and you are only making life harder for yourself.
3. Even if they say no, persistence is more important that you think. Do not overdo it so you become a pest. Instead continue your current course of action. Turn on your charm, nudge her bit by bit, especially when you know you have her full attention. Seriously, when a girl spends half her time talking to you, she IS into you and can be swayed.
4. It is OK to fuck someone first before you decide what you want to do next, because you will either make them fall in love with you or not. Simple as that. If things work out, great. If not, you can still be friends if she's open about it. Or screw it, you part company. Whichever way, you stand to gain more than you have to lose.
5. Never repeat the above 4 rules to whoever you are courting. To them, you should just be a friendly person who can turn into a potential date.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Tell me you like me
Then tell me you didn't mean it
Tell me you don't want to be
Then tell me you are so happy you finally got it
Tell me you are sorry I've been misled
Then tell me it's all in my head
Don't tell me you don't want to be
Like you know what's best for me
Don't tell you are not ready
Then tell me you want to be taken seriously
Don't tell me you are sorry
Then ask if I'm happy
Yesterday your words mean something
Today they mean nothing
Yesterday all your wisdom were your truths
Today all your lies become your truths
Then tell me you didn't mean it
Tell me you don't want to be
Then tell me you are so happy you finally got it
Tell me you are sorry I've been misled
Then tell me it's all in my head
Don't tell me you don't want to be
Like you know what's best for me
Don't tell you are not ready
Then tell me you want to be taken seriously
Don't tell me you are sorry
Then ask if I'm happy
Yesterday your words mean something
Today they mean nothing
Yesterday all your wisdom were your truths
Today all your lies become your truths
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
I'm done crying.
I'm done being nice.
I don't think I'm quite ready to be open and everyone's good friend.
Look what nice and friendly got me. In a brutal world where people, more often than not, don't really know what they want and don't always say what they mean, being cold and reclusive is the only defense I know.
Sorry God, for being angry with you. I'd still like to think that, somewhere through this, there is a good lesson that I need to heed. He who learns must suffer, right?
Time and truth will set me free. That's my only faith now. Until then, I guess I'll just need to find better distractions, so that I don't self-destruct. And get tired enough to sleep.
I'm done being nice.
I don't think I'm quite ready to be open and everyone's good friend.
Look what nice and friendly got me. In a brutal world where people, more often than not, don't really know what they want and don't always say what they mean, being cold and reclusive is the only defense I know.
Sorry God, for being angry with you. I'd still like to think that, somewhere through this, there is a good lesson that I need to heed. He who learns must suffer, right?
Time and truth will set me free. That's my only faith now. Until then, I guess I'll just need to find better distractions, so that I don't self-destruct. And get tired enough to sleep.
Monday, January 4, 2010
In the final act of cruelty, God himself decided to take all my wishes, words and desires, and bestow them to another. And just like that, that other person has all her wishes granted, and she instead gets the prize I have so desperately wish for. And all I am left with is an emptiness inside that is so black, so devoid of feelings, I don't know whether to cry or to hit something.
Why God? Have you abandoned me?
Why God? Have you abandoned me?
Tossing in bed last night, I thought I was ready to let her go. Just come on out and tell her I want all or nothing.
24 hours later, here I am now. So helpless, deciding that I should just stay my tongue.
Maybe in time she will finally be ready for a relationship. As the saying goes - love is friendship set on fire.
Maybe one day we can set this friendship on fire.
Maybe she will choose to stay.
Maybe I just need to bide my time and wait for her.
Maybe I just need to go see a shrink.
24 hours later, here I am now. So helpless, deciding that I should just stay my tongue.
Maybe in time she will finally be ready for a relationship. As the saying goes - love is friendship set on fire.
Maybe one day we can set this friendship on fire.
Maybe she will choose to stay.
Maybe I just need to bide my time and wait for her.
Maybe I just need to go see a shrink.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Been out driving all night again.
"Max, you need to stop doing this. Gas isn't cheap you know."
I know. I wish my heart understand that too. I can't stop thinking, my heart can't stop hoping.
"Well looks like it isn't gonna happen after all."
I know. Wait, I don't want to know that. No wait, my heart refuse to acknowledge that. It is still waiting for that call that my mind already know will never come. Not this time round.
Driving back, all I can muster was put David on loop.
What's wrong with my heart
Shake it off
Let it go
Didn't think it'd be this hard
Should be strong, moving on
But I see you sometimes
I try to hide what I feel inside
"Max, this doesn't make sense. You need more time. What's so fucking special about this girl?"
Beats me. All I know is she gets me, and she cares more than most of my friends.
"But she's just a friend."
But she called in the end.
"Cuz she's a friend who cares."
I didn't hear anyone else calling.
"Max no one else knows."
Cuz I couldn't talk to anyone else about it.
"Why not? You didn't try."
The others won't get it. She gets me.
"So why are you so damn fucked up now?"
Cuz she gets me. And now I want more, but I can't.
"Maybe you can change her mind."
I don't know how. She already said no in the first place.
"Maybe she changed her mind."
How will I know?
"Maybe you can ask her again."
Maybe I'm scared. I don't wanna lose her.
"I'm sorry, what exactly have you got to lose?"
Our friendship.
"But that's not even what you want in the first place."
I know.
"So what the fuck is stopping you?"
I don't want to lose her, even if it means hanging on to a friendship which wasn't what I want in the first place.
"Well I guess you're well and truly fucked."
Not really. I wish she wants to fuck me. I wish I can fuck her, but can't do that either.
"OK, well and truly fucked up in your messed-up head."
Yeah, that's a much more accurate assessment.
"And I thought you're super logical."
I thought so too. I wish I still am. Not with her. All my logic stripped, am a bundle of nerves and emotions now.
"You're just crushing, it'll go away in time."
In a long time, especially if we continue to be friends.
"Then stop."
I can't. She gets me. That's all I have to hang onto.
"Well, hang onto that and you'll lose your sanity."
Well I've already lost my mind and heart. What difference does it make?
"True. All fucked up, messed up. You must think you're very noble, choosing to be the loyal friend who will remain silent."
No, I just can't get over her. She gets me. She so gets me I don't think she will ever comprehend. I can't let that go.
"Fucked up, Max. Well and truly fucked up."
I know. I so fucking know.
"Max, you need to stop doing this. Gas isn't cheap you know."
I know. I wish my heart understand that too. I can't stop thinking, my heart can't stop hoping.
"Well looks like it isn't gonna happen after all."
I know. Wait, I don't want to know that. No wait, my heart refuse to acknowledge that. It is still waiting for that call that my mind already know will never come. Not this time round.
Driving back, all I can muster was put David on loop.
What's wrong with my heart
Shake it off
Let it go
Didn't think it'd be this hard
Should be strong, moving on
But I see you sometimes
I try to hide what I feel inside
"Max, this doesn't make sense. You need more time. What's so fucking special about this girl?"
Beats me. All I know is she gets me, and she cares more than most of my friends.
"But she's just a friend."
But she called in the end.
"Cuz she's a friend who cares."
I didn't hear anyone else calling.
"Max no one else knows."
Cuz I couldn't talk to anyone else about it.
"Why not? You didn't try."
The others won't get it. She gets me.
"So why are you so damn fucked up now?"
Cuz she gets me. And now I want more, but I can't.
"Maybe you can change her mind."
I don't know how. She already said no in the first place.
"Maybe she changed her mind."
How will I know?
"Maybe you can ask her again."
Maybe I'm scared. I don't wanna lose her.
"I'm sorry, what exactly have you got to lose?"
Our friendship.
"But that's not even what you want in the first place."
I know.
"So what the fuck is stopping you?"
I don't want to lose her, even if it means hanging on to a friendship which wasn't what I want in the first place.
"Well I guess you're well and truly fucked."
Not really. I wish she wants to fuck me. I wish I can fuck her, but can't do that either.
"OK, well and truly fucked up in your messed-up head."
Yeah, that's a much more accurate assessment.
"And I thought you're super logical."
I thought so too. I wish I still am. Not with her. All my logic stripped, am a bundle of nerves and emotions now.
"You're just crushing, it'll go away in time."
In a long time, especially if we continue to be friends.
"Then stop."
I can't. She gets me. That's all I have to hang onto.
"Well, hang onto that and you'll lose your sanity."
Well I've already lost my mind and heart. What difference does it make?
"True. All fucked up, messed up. You must think you're very noble, choosing to be the loyal friend who will remain silent."
No, I just can't get over her. She gets me. She so gets me I don't think she will ever comprehend. I can't let that go.
"Fucked up, Max. Well and truly fucked up."
I know. I so fucking know.
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