Am I trying too hard? Doing too much? Being too self-conscious about this whole "getting to know you again" thing?
I thought when you want something, you fight for it. So is it then wrong when you fight too hard, try too much? Does it all feel contrived? I wish I can be casual about this and behave like how I would behave normally, but I don't feel normal now. I feel like I'm on the edge ready to fall over any minute if it all fades away in 2 weeks time. You can't be sub-conscious about an obvious target, just like you can't shoot and expect to hit the bullseye if you know you're not trying.
I never took the time and paid enough attention and that was my problem.
Now I'm taking too much time and probably over-doing it instead. Maybe I SHOULD be pissed because I can't seem to get this right.
Stupid fool. After 2 years you still don't have the answers, so don't expect to come out of this smelling like roses. And you definitely do not have the right be pissed just because you're crying and you don't even know why.