I Hope You Will

Somebody once told me - it is the choices we make that defines us.

I guess in this case, we all need to make a decision, either to salvage what's in our hands, or walk away to mend our wounds. I wish I can will her to make a decision where we can meet each other halfway. But then again, "will" is the operative word here.

It is clear, what is willing me on for the last 9 months. While I'm proud of my determination, I do wonder if it is wise, because I'm counting on her will as much as mine. Nobody likes to battle his or her own demons alone, and while sometimes that's what we have to do, it sure makes the ordeal so much less daunting knowing that someone is at the other end of the journey, waiting with a warm blanket. On days when I think I have lost all will - especially days when she scares the hell out of me with the things she says she will do, or won't do for that matter - something in me pulls me back from the brink. And it has been one hell of a roller-coaster ride, not that I'm a fan of it, literally and figuratively speaking.

So perhaps it is that "something" that's telling me now that I should continue to hold on. I think I have said all that I needed to say, done all that I needed to do, to prove my candor and sincerity to take a leap of faith. There are still so many questions, so much more to discover, and all that's left for me to do now is wait - and hope - for one chance. One chance to take this leap of faith with her. For all the knowns and unknowns, while it is the unknown that scares me, it is the knowns that makes me want to believe that we can make one hell of a journey out of this rocky start.

So if you are reading this, I hope that your "will" will breakthrough. And when you emerge, I hope that it is I that you will embrace.