I wish you don't have to see her again tomorrow. I wish she won't come to KL with you. I wish I'm the one eating fish cordon bleu with you. I wish it won't suck so much everytime just sitting here missing you while trying not to think about her being around you. I wish I'm not sitting here wishfully thinking about doing the things we say we want to do together but never did. I wish all my plans for you are not just plans. I wish life isn't unfair that, for all our discussions and planning about how you're going to get your life started in KL, I have stand aside in silence and watch while she, not I, will be the one by your side to see it all fall into place for you. I wish I'm the one right there with you when you finally found your second home in KL. I wish it's easier. I wish I can shut my mind off and don't think so much, so that it hurts less. I wish all that beer and cigs would help me get distracted better. And you wondered why I have to go out? Because it beats sitting around just thinking. Because the more I think, the more I want. The more I want, the more I know what I cannot get. The more I know, the more I withdraw.
So what if I say what I need to say? Will it make this aching pain go away? No. Does it make me miss you less? No. Does it explain what I am going through? Nowhere near what I wish you know.
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