Finally got my haircut. But apart from that, nothing has changed. Still using same crappy phone. Still the same job which I'll probably stay on for a while. Still sleeping late and waking up later. Still can't stop staring at that online status.
A very dear friend told me that I shouldn't feel stupid for the way I feel, for simply being an actual living breathing human being. Feel angry, confused, in-love, whatever. Just don't feel stupid. If you want something, and you are prepared to fight for it, then you need to be prepared to get hurt. That's the risk for wanting. And living.
And then there is also something I have not thought about. If I care for her like I claim to be, I need to respect her too. Respect her confusion and honesty. Respect her decision. Respect her freedom to choose. And even her fears.
And I should stop being such a pleaser and start believing in what I truly stand for.
I guess I should start somewhere, not by forgiving or forgetting or beating myself up over questions which I will not have answers for, but by believing again.
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