So this is what trying and giving my all get me.
Utter disappointment and loss of self, dignity and will to give again. All I have now are questions and this vacuum in my heart. Questions that I probably will never have answers for, and a void in the heart that will never be filled for a long long time.
I cried myself to sleep last night, and I cried myself awake this morning. 5 minutes to go before my next work meeting and I'm still crying.
God, tell me, what do I do now? Everything I did, I did it for her, but all that isn't good enough, and isn't important anymore. I don't know where else to anchor all my hopes anymore.
I try to look ahead and I see nothing, except memories which used to fill me with warmth and hope but now do nothing more than choke me up, reducing me to a hollow shell with a well of tears and insufferable pain, a finality that all my dreams have now turned into my worst nightmare.
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